I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
