you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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