dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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