as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
