please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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