if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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