we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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