quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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