pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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