In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
