I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
