If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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