why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
