I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
