I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
