You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
