did you get engaged???
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
