90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
