Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize