I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
