I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
