We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
