Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
