Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
