I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
