I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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