I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
