mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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