i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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