can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize