I wish I could punch you in the face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
