don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize