Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
