I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
