sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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