'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
