You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
