You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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