Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
