Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize