Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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