are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We don't watch enough power rangers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
