when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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