apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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