Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
