i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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