atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
