anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
