why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
