I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
