I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
