Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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