He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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