apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
