Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
