she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize