please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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