Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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