Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
