respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
