i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
