She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
