Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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