I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His hands were made for my vagina.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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