Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
