I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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