I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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