He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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