this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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