that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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