I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
