Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
