Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
